Embrace All The Facets Of You, Even When They Conflict

I was recently reminded of some advice I heard many times as a child, but on this recent occasion, it was used as an example of bad advice. ‘Pick one thing.’ I wonder how many times this phrase, suggesting that we select one area of interest and commit to it is used. This, when used with children, in theory, gets us to mastery of a skill as we reach adulthood. The common consensus is that 10,000 hours is the dedication of time needed for mastery. (According to Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers.) On the face of it mathematically, it does seem sensible to get a head start when we are young. However, most of us as adults cannot easily choose a restaurant, let alone something we want to dedicate time and energy to for a week, let alone a lifetime. How can we expect that children or young adults will make choices that will benefit themselves long term if it’s suggested that one selection is their very best chance?

The selection of a topic, interest, hobby or skill is not something that can occur with happenstance; it needs to be made with free will and excitement, or mastery will never be possible due to the lack of desire. These early choices might form the basis of careers, community and joyful pursuits, but when an adult suggests this they are looking at it through an adult's eyes. Children cannot possibly understand commitment and perseverance until they have embarked on it themselves. So what comes first? It seems silly to look back on our childhoods and see them as anything other than the experimental phase. I like to believe that childhood is the opportunity to try everything, pressure-free, a time where you can explore skills, ideas and activities without the need to succeed in anything. Although this seems ever more like a fairy tale. Finding a specific interest can be hard enough without being told to have only one, and then to turn it into a passion, for life. Which seems to be the experience of many. Of all the pursuits you tried, the ones that you walked away from might be as important as the ones you persevered with. Does an early commitment make for a more interesting adult? It’s a wonderful thing that all parents want their children to be extraordinary, but it’s impossible for all children to be extraordinary.

Variety is the spice of life.

Imagine if we all embraced each other’s variety, not allowing for a multitude of interests to seem diluted, but celebrated. Most of us would be impressed if we met someone that was accomplished in more than one area, even more so if the accomplishments were in varied fields, wouldn't it make for a much more fascinating conversation? Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be the way of things, when overhearing someone talk about several pursuits the audience will tend to roll their eyes or assume that this person is boasting about their fabulous life. But strangely, they are likely just telling a story, and the eye roller is only responding this way as it makes them feel inadequate in comparison. Without the comparison, the story would be fascinating. We have to get out of our own way to hear it.

The world we live in has very high expectations, the popular opinion is that we only get one chance to be brilliant at something, and whatever that something is can be a chance unto itself. I think we can thank many a reality TV show for this. We seem to have an obsession with fame, there are hundreds of people who are talented in some way or another but the difference between those who have enormous fan followings and those who do not is sometimes thought of as luck, this cannot be true. There are always many unseen actions behind the scenes; dedication, sacrifice and trusting one's abilities. If anyone was to ever compare the life of someone who in the public’s eyes had made it and someone who had not, but their talent (if blindfolded) was equal there would be many layers to their approaches and sacrifices that varied. We tend to forget this and only look at the success / fame as it if happened in an instance and all at once. This is unrealistic.

I’m curious, what would happen if we removed the need to be celebrated altogether? What if we followed our passions because they made us feel good? Many of the people who are famous for talent or skill will have dedicated years to their practice and probably a deep love for the activity itself, but most will have many things they do that they enjoy, it's just that one seems to be the focus of their public life. Their fame is the result, not the interest itself. (This excludes anyone looking to be famous for the sake of fame itself - these are a new breed of people that as far as I can tell have not dedicated themselves to mastering a skill, although I have no real knowledge of the motivations that drives these people.) I do wonder if focusing on the result as the goal may in fact make it far more difficult to cultivate the talent.

With the mastery that is celebrated, it ignored the reality that these people with celebrated mastery have multiple dimensions. I wonder how many interests or activities coexist in these lives, ignored as it doesn’t fit the narrative of our celebrity credential.

Will my passions make me money?

The honest answer is sometimes. You might not want to hear this but sometimes a passion and something you do for yourself is all that it will ever be, it doesn't mean it's less important to you, just that it might not be as important to others. This is ok, it will still offer you the outlet you need. The idea that we have to monetise everything and we all have to do what we love all day is unfortunately unrealistic. The idea of your mastery only being valued by others is where we all go wrong. Regardless of the passion; art, writing, clay modelling, clay pigeon shooting or comic book collecting or shoe decoration. Its value only alters if you let people's opinions come into play. Only your thoughts about it matter. Don't let anything you love be valued by another's perceptions, as it will lose value this way. If it makes you happy do it, and keep doing it.

If passion, determination and commitment were the currency in your pursuit how rich would you be?

How can we find comfort in embracing all the facets of ourselves and others?

When we are thought of as one thing it neatly puts us into a box that others can understand, a snap judgement can sometimes be useful when meeting someone for the first time, it helps us to understand our surroundings. However, when thinking about all the facets of ourselves and the people that are close to us, we know the multi-dimensions, it’s likely what makes us interesting and diverse. When is the right time to share these other sides to ourselves and why do we feel we need to be brave in our sharing? To be interesting and layered should be something seen as appealing not as a chance to be judged. How can we find comfort and bravery in sharing?

Diversity in interests is rarely celebrated, maybe diversity in successes, but success itself can be measured in a multitude of ways. How can someone be a Painter as well as a Doctor? Our first instinct decides for us that they must be one or the other. What if we broadened our view - what if this person needed the painting to quiet the mind from the medical stresses they experienced daily? What if these contradicting behaviours or activities were what made this Doctor good at their job, allowing this person to be whole. Would you think this person was a better Doctor or a Painter? Does your opinion matter?

If you think for a moment about actors that get typecast or the employees that only ever do one thing for decades, there has to be more to them than the parts they play. Each person will have a myriad of things they do for fun. Have you ever wondered what brings them joy beyond the walls of their workplace? Remember not everyone has a job that makes them happy. Think about all the interests that you have beyond your job, do these activities define you more or less? Are they an internal or external part of you? Is this measure determined by hours committed or energy spent? Are we one thing with interests or are we many things with many interests?

If you take an interest in other people's true variety then they too will take an interest in you. Braving the conversations about all the things you do will help you find comfort in sharing your stories. Connection starts with sharing more of yourself.

Why is choosing so hard?

The idea of sticking to one thing your whole life can seem very confronting and limiting. So, how do we choose where to spend our time and energy? Normally by doing, or through some supportive but potentially misdirected advice, we might make incorrect choices, sometimes from not trusting our abilities or comparing ourselves to someone who we think is better than us, we may give up or choose incorrectly, but eventually, we will end up with something that looks a little bit like something we chose consciously. Would passions remain buried forever if we didn't dedicate tireless effort in looking for them, isn’t that what all the miss-steps are, us looking for the things we love? Is it the choice that is the really hard bit or the effort required to rekindle the love you have for your passion?

Imagine if you were able to try anything that interested you, once or many times, or once every 5 years, not restricting yourself or making these pursuits chores, you do them all for your solo enjoyment. If along the way someone else enjoys it too then it’s an extra win, but it doesn't take away from the joy you have in the making or doing in the first place. We all forget that wins can be fleeting, if you do something for the praise and the accolade alone, it will be very quiet and lonely when the celebration is over, that is if you make it to the celebrated phase at all. If on the other hand, you are participating for the joy of it, you can always return to the joy, after every celebration. The only truly free joy’s in life are those that you do, that require no exterior reaction.

If we are the sum of our experiences then all that we like and have an interest in have to hold some importance. All experiences, if you do them for you, will be yours. Try everything, find some things you like and do them more often. It might take twice as long to master something if you are trying all things, but there will be more joy, as multiple pursuits will reduce the pressure to succeed in just one.

How to trust your one identity, when it's made of many?

When you try all things in life and you courageously embark on experiences that help you to form the basis of who you are, you might find that you have multiple parts to play. How can you authentically be all of you all the time?

I was once told my area of focus should be to make a more stable foundation. There was a table analogy, hilarious as one of my facets is furniture. It seemed I only had two table legs, (areas of focus) if either of these legs got wobbly it would feel like my whole table would fall over. The advice was right, the solution; find more table legs. Get more interests, get good at a multitude of things, that way every time I go through tough times in any of these areas the other table legs will offer stability. It gives me long term strength, something that I can build on and depend on. Embracing all the things I love as they’re all part of me.

When I first heard this advice I took it as an opportunity for me to build up some courage to try new things. The suggestion was that I revisit the things I love from my past, writing was one of them. Now a few years later it’s more than an excuse to try new things, it's added layers to who I am.

As this layered person has been developing, I find myself wearing very different hats, these hats can at times conflict, hence why I am writing this article. I need for it to be ok that I bring all of myself into the conversation, the multiple facets of myself need to be shared. I need to bravely be an employee and a business owner, a writer and a photographer. It's ok to be the person with the most interests in the room knowing it doesn't necessarily make me the most interesting person in the room. I’m not sure if internal diversity is a thing, but if it is I want to see more of it out in the open shared and celebrated.

Be all that you love, don't be limited by the advice you were given when you were young. Explore all your interests, one of them could be your gift to the rest of the world.